Sex in Assisted living an "OOOH" moment

Your in trouble now buddy!

I imagine everybody will at least laugh a little bit in my article today. But Paula Span for the New York Times wrote an article Sex in Assisted Living: Intimacy Without Privacy.
Older bodies having sex is something that has what I call “oooh” response! It does remind me of Billy Crystal recounting the story when he discovered his parents having an intimate moment on the kitchen table. From a child's point of view that's an "oooh" moment! Another person might think “icky pooh”.
But apparently this is a problem in assisted living. Older couples are often interrupted by people coming in at any time of the day. Lack of privacy and even lack of respect can become part of an issue. Health and dementia cause various problems to be sure.
But living and the experience of life you know continues for a long time and with some couples they can remain in relationship sexually into their 90s. In our youth orientated society we are uncomfortable with older people and thinking you know of them in sexual situations. Seniors raised in the 30’s, 40,s and 50’s have different values from the baby boomers starting to moving into these communities.
Often married couples and romantic couples are moved away from each other into different rooms, or even at different tables in the dining room. While I think this is probably good with situations that are abusive or unwanted; I think it's a violation rights for those that are consensual. Married couples I believe have to be handled with dignity and respect. Health for one or both may be a problem.

If you have read the Bible Abraham (100) and Sarah (90) were intimate and Abraham, David and others were old when they were intimate with others. Sex has always had its complications.
A sexual life is a reality for those who have health for long time. And we should expect it and encourage healthy sexual life whenever possible. I value marriage. Romance is not only good for the soul but its also good for the heart. And it's good for our immune systems which fight cancer and also it helps with diabetes.
Aging and health may also put a decline to sexual activity with people and we need to be understanding.
There are problems with a growing number of sexually-transmitted diseases. Dementia often causes a breakdown of inhibitions. And while there is sexual activity that is consensual there's also sexual activity that is not. Anyway it's a part of living and that living continues. Read Paula Span’s article and think through both the living well and problems that may occur. Get over “oooh”! Keep walking

http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/06/10/sex-in-assisted-living-intimacy-without-privacy/?_php=true&_type=blogs&_r=0

Another article about life style change – can do it but it is hard

http://todayiwill.com/

One thing that gives us hope is hanging around positive people.

Ann Menshel walking in The Big Horn Mts.

You know hope is a powerful motivation. And having hope that tomorrow will be a better day is a good thing.

One thing that gives us hope is hanging around positive people. The other day I went with my mother-in-law to a senior luncheon. The food was tasty and simple and the people there were talking with their friends in their subgroups. The room was loud with laughter and talk. There were more women there then men. We talked to people around us. And during the dinner they had a guitar player singing a lot of the old songs from the 50s through the 70s. The songs of reminded me of the songs that we used to play at the TMH dinners down at JT Central. Mentally handicapped children know the old songs of their parents. There was a lot of line dancing because typically the women dance and the guys just sit as wallflowers. Not much different than high school. It may be one of the reasons why women live longer. As the seniors dance I couldn't help but notice that they shed off the old small steps and became a lot younger again.
Seeing first hand a social event where there was a little walking and lots of talking and laughter. All this was in my mind when I read “Older Adults Benefit from Positive Social Networks”

By RICK NAUERT PHD Senior News Editor: http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/05/29/older-adults-benefit-from-positive-social-networks/70510.html
Overall having regular interactions with family and friends and being involved in several different social networks appear to help older adults be healthier.
But not all social interactions are healthy. Hanging around negative people it is discovered can bring on hypertension or high blood pressure, or even depression and a general unhappiness. Interesting I have sort of discovered that on my own. There are negative people who have excessive demands, criticism, and are basically a kind of a disappointment. With such people we have to learn to set up boundaries or in some cases it's just better to not even make a contact at all.

Seeking out positive people and avoiding negative people is the five dollar tip of the day. A good read on the subject is Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, Take control of your life, By Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend.
There is other kinds of behavior that might involve smoking or drinking alcohol and these behaviors have a negative impact on the on the quality of our life and even our mortality. So here we have the positive social behavior but there are complications. We can overeat, over drink and be around second hand smoke or smoke ourselves. We may enjoy the situation but behaviors are not good for us. How can we reduce our risk? We could stay clear of such outings. Or we could take steps to improve the outing. With eating and drinking be moderate. One ¾ plate no more and no more than two drinks a day. Decide to quit smoking yourself and find ways to deal with second hand smoke. Meet in places where inside smoking is prohibited and the smoker has to go outside. Make sure there is plenty of ventilation.

Food for church groups can be toxic for their health. We have traded cigarettes and drinking for food. Getting together is good but food can and does make it harmful. Reduce protein to the size of your palm. Reduce your carbs. Surround your plate with fruits and veggies. Stick to one helping. As you stick to your plan, in time watch those encouraged by your example. Bring tasting healthy food to potlucks. Think of ways you can eat healthier at events so that you can max the blessing of the fellowship. Keep walking 

visitors for the month

My good looking Son

Welcome to all of you who visited the fatman's blog this month.

United States	1736
Algeria	32
France	17
Russia	17
Philippines	15
Germany	12
United Kingdom	12
Ireland	10
Australia	8
Bahamas	6   New to the blog are visits from Ireland and Algeria. Not factored in are hits from another part of the Carrebean and hits from Europe. I was visiting sites with different languages and used the translator an pooff I was able to read blog or site in English. That really blows my mind as we used to say back in the day. Keep walking

Assisted Suicide, let's slow down a minute

Let's take time to enjoy the path for a while

Today I am writing about a not so nice topic, but laws are being passed and attitudes are being accepted which will directly effect our aging experience. We need to be careful that we are not being set up or becoming lulled to sleep about who calls the shots when we age and face the possibility of dying.
Different states have ruled for assisted suicide for those very old of sick. I believe it will become the law of the land within five years. Doctors assisting suicide will no longer be criminals. They will instead be there to offer another option. Proponents are already aware that how they pose the option directly effects the response. Would you like a more natural death or would you like CPR not to be performed. A nice warm and fuzzy approach is to be preferred.
Our children who have no idea of what it means to get older or value the experience of being aged will often be in charge of our time to terminate.
Death will be free of pain and we will be made comfortable. Self murder if you survive can get you hospitalized today, but soon you will be able to go to a clinic and be helped.
For sure at first it won't be that easy and it will be a lawyer's and doctor's nightmare. At least I hope so, because this option should never be easy.
Ending life should never be easy and it should not be with the promise of no pain. The Bible makes it clear "that it is appointed unto man once to die and after that judgment." Like birth, life, school, work, marriage, having kids, raising kids, aging, we get one go around. It goes pretty fast. We need to smell the roses. Death like everything else is unique to each one of us. For those who love us, death separates us in this life. Let's pause a minute.
People dying recover, hang on, get worse. What ever their experience it is their time. While we live in this life there is hope, but everyone will expire save a work of God. There comes a time when we won't recover and a time when all that is left is the last moments. I am all for hospice and pain management, but just lost of awareness so we have personal peace and comfort is not enough.
I am all for the argument of are we extending death or the chance of extending life. The debate will come to each one of us. Also will come is the time we die however unpleasant, letting go and making peace with ourselves, loved ones and God. These things have never been easy and I don't think they should be assisted by suicide.
The next move will be people making this decision for us. Hope of recovery won't become optional.
If we keep walking, they won't catch us for awhile.
 

Thankful to friends and family - key to long life

Diane Winter's backyard, what a pleasant place for a
devotion and reflection, or to get lost in thought.

One of the elements cited to live a long life is to be socially active. Many centenarians share regular talks with family. With growing technology we can talk to our love ones face to face right on our computers and now cell phones. These technologies will only get better. The key will be our willingness to build relationships in our families and friends. Growing research suggest we give it a go. It actually adds time to our lives. We will be able to share our trips and highlights right on location.
Had a nice evening with my wife's family tonight. Holiday experiences walking happens later at night for me. Dr. Ken Cooper had a TV program a few years back and sometimes it is a good idea to walk the dog or do an indoor walk for a mile. Even a stroll can be helpful. A walk can also help with holiday stress.
I have enjoyed photos of the season shared on the Internet. I am glad to have connected with friends on facebook and email. I follow several blogs and fell like I have gotten to know a few more people. There are also websites that have encouraged me in health and spiritual things. I like on-line crossword puzzles, travel, art and entertainment options. If the net has gotten you down focus on how it can bring the stuff you like.
Well I am off for a mile indoor walk, then read a bit. The last couple of days I been up late. Keep walking
PS - I walked a mile off to my devos and read
 

People who need people are the luckiest people

Women have the edge here

One of the keys to longevity is having a social network. Women are better at being connected then men. I read this week from Therese Borchard associate editor of Psychcentral.com that 1/4 of people 65 and older suffer from depression. 20% of suicides happen by seniors and many of them men. You can read the article at

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/28/12-depression-busters-for-seniors/

 

Having friends is something we should keep working on. Gentlemen we have more problems with this than the ladies. I haven't figured it out yet, but I am not what you would call a big social attraction. Mr. James Faust (an army Sargent) told me years ago "if you want alot of people around keep the fridge filled with beer. If you want to find out who your friends are get rid of the beer." Loneliness and isolation factors in our brain function as well. One of the things I have been working on is to improve my contacts with people. For me it is a work in progress.  

The Internet and technology give us tools to keep us in the game of life. Sharing notes and pictures, using mobile phones and even video phones can help bring us into the lives of others. I was talking to my friend Jim using the video camera on our computers and it was cool. Having a cell phone keeps me connected as well.

(From the net) When I get permission I will share a beautiful
sunset. I always like to get permission first

Last night I viewed pictures of a friend's safari in East Africa, another friend was in the Philippines for a few weeks. Several friends shared their summer travels. Seeing daily life on the net from people who are friends but moves and life naturally we lose contact is an exciting thing about e-base communication. Having friends we can talk, walk, eat with it has to keep going as well. Calling a friend to see a movie or a sporting event, means alot to me. Being accepted in a local church can be a good connection. Along the way we live longer.

Today I have had five hits from Mongolia. Somebody there has visited before. The hundreds of visits to the blog from around the world. I believe getting older and using walking as one of our tools to improve our health goes beyond national borders and reaches an universal chord. It was cloudy tonight, but the blue moon peak out a few minutes ago.

I got good report from my GP this week. My cholesterol was 134 with good numbers on my good and bad cholesterol. My good cholesterol improved. All my numbers were good. Walking works. Keep walking 

 

 

 

Don't you love the freedom to walk and speak

Voula Papachristou

On my walks, I greet people who are .different ages and cultural backgrounds. Many of them are talking different languages. They may even have different reasons for walking. Some are are romantic, some are fishermen, some are out for the view and to clear their heads. We smile and share a moment but I can't read their minds and I am glad for that. For sure there are walkers like me who are older and walk everyday for the same reasons. Heaven forbid I have to share the path with bikers who are moving to fast, but somehow we all survive. Learning to get along with people different from me has taken a life time. I haven't always been the sweet guy I am. The things that have come out of my mouth.
Being a very common fellow has given me a chance to grow. I think our kids need the same time. I rarely get controversial but I think young people should be allowed freedom of speech, and given space to make mistakes. People are known to say stupid things. If I had political correctness thrown in my face when I was young I would never had the chance to grow. The young athlete thrown off the Greece team for a joke, probably had a lot more to do with sponsors than feelings of offence. What happened to coaches and powers to be actually talking to the athlete. (Think of the great story between Smelling and Lewis)
How about the Olympic spirit where people of differences meet and compete. Years ago a team mate named Earl and I became friends. We were different race at a time when when it really was a problem. His friendship challenged my views of race at the time.  I am glad our conversations weren't taped. Without knowing Earl, I could have never gone to Africa or worked in a multicultural setting. Europe is going through their own race problems. We don't always say the right things, there is a line between freedom and liable. Did the athlete need to be challenged? How about actually talking to her? I do know if she meets athletes different from her in the events she competes, she may have had an opportunity to have a real change.
Kids say the darnedest things. They are the ones who are facing the world we gave them. Often there is a lot against them. Are they ready for those who are educated and in power to always say the right thing. Know they are emotional and can change mood and feelings with in minutes. How about if we step up and actually care what they are saying and feeling. The Olympic team acted out of a corporate mindset. 
Her joke was dumb and careless, but if Chris Rock said it, all we be saying is who writes his material. When  was younger I said far worse. But then I had Earl one year older than me who became my friend and changed the way I looked at things. Meeting and talking is always better than image keeping of political correctness.
With kids the social network for them is part of their private world, they need to know it is not so private, but we need to cut them some slack.
You can read her joke and apology and make your own opinion. Keep walking
http://www.keeptalkinggreece.com/2012/07/25/greek-olympics-athlete-triggers-outrage-with-racist-comment-expelled-from-olympics-2012/
http://www.twitlonger.com/show/ih3mcp

Went to a play on today's walk and was surprised



Nick Sandys and Melanie Keller

Walking once again is more enjoyable as I am able to move with less pain. Today I strolled the grounds of the Peabody Mansion which today houses the 1st Folio Theatre. Barb and I went and saw Turn of the Screw. Well acted by Melanie Keller and Nick Sandys who acted several parts. The story line unfolded the hidden world of child abuse. A 19th century ghost story which reality was much darker and deadlier. It was a painful story, well done and left you with the need of children to be loved, have affection and be protected. These were the words said by Melanie before the play and after.
I was expecting a murder mystery, a who done it. I was not expecting the victims would be unloved children. It would be easy to accept a ghost story but the actors gave many clues as to the real intent of evil in the story being quite human.
We can't blame Victorian England for even today child abuse is often hidden and may take years to uncover. last year I encountered several stories of hidden abuse and the result like walking, I am passionate to be a part of recovery and prevention of abuse when ever possible. The play is a book that I am going to check out. Child abuse is hard to look at. It is painful and dark, but like the Holocaust and many horrid tales of human suffering in today's world we have to look at it. I would say every child needs love, acceptance, and safety. For the record and believe that is biblically and psychologically  sound. They won't all get it and that hurts badly, but we can do what we can.
Like books and art, plays can enrich our walk. Keep walking

What is a friend? friendship

 I am writing tonight hoping to find a friend. I don't think you can have enough of them. Studies tell us if we have them we live longer. If that is so I would like meet friends, not dates. I like to be your friend. Friendship can double our joy and  and that is cool. Friendships may take time and experience for trust. But we can begin a friendship by meeting and talking and sees where it goes. Dating is invested and restricts friendship. If you like take me up on my offer make a comment.

It would be great if I strike a cord  that you like to say something go ahead. Disagree, ouch but go ahead. Love to hear from you. One way or another we take the first steps to friendships. Keep walking

Moving again - Being connected

Isn't this a lovely painting by Corot. A Girl Reading...Inspired by what we read or who we talk to can really boost our health. What is she thinking about? I have no idea. What are you reading today?

It is the second day since I was discharged from the hospital. My day actually started the night before with an encouraging talk with a good friend and my daughter. I had a good night sleep and healthy meals surrounded by fruits and veggies. We are off this week due to spring break so it is a great week to recover. I felt stronger today so I got out dumbbells and went through a routine working my muscle groups. I did 20 push ups and a series of crunches. Ate lunch and drank water and a juice and the break was nice. After lunch went out to Rock Run and went for a walk. I started out easy and increased my pace. As I walked I enjoyed watching the geese and ducks and song birds along the way. The skies were overcast and the weather cool. I was ready to control how long I walked. At first my goal today was to walk a mile but as I walked along I felt pretty good so I walked 2 1/2 miles today. Worked up a nice sweat and stretched afterwards. Worked on papers for my future website and am sitting here feeling pretty good. I will do some gentle stretching later and move a little more around the house. Note to the reader getting out of the hospital and returning to your walking depends how sick you are and what your doctor and you think. Indoor walking may be a better option and how much you move is entirely based on what you are dealing with. Today I was ready to increase my blood circulation and take in fresh air. If I would have gotten tired I would have cut short my walking. On my agenda today is improving my health and taking in good food and water.

I can not tell you how much talking to my daughter and friend really boosted my mood. The blessings of being connected is priceless in walking in life. The technology of connecting with people on the web and cell phones, they are around us and after awhile blend into the frame work of our lives. I was thinking of older people I know who send out daily emails. One was political and another was religious. In their own ways they were trying to connect with others. But like life connections are made through interaction of give and take. It takes both listening and sharing. This blog I am practicing to write so that along with my website I can encourage people to move and walk. The daily experience falls into habit and routine but we begin to see the benefits of how we feel. Strength training, aerobics, flexibility with a good diet of nutritious food restore our health. Spirituality and fellowship that takes work too. Maybe the later is more important to health but I know it keeps me walking. Keep walking!

Encouragement - Coach George Legan

I remember as a freshman football player the head coach came over and kicked us in the seat of of our pants and blurted off a few choice words and went to another part of the field. We laughed and thought it was cool to be noticed. The abuse was almost a badge. When I played varsity under a different head coach who had high expectations and let us know what he thought but without the abuse. In private he showed a different side. He was a gentlemen and treated us with respect. His record was very good and we won and competed with the best. Years later he opened up to me his fears of playing me with my handicap and he told me he was proud to have me on the team. He did take a chance and put me in the game once and a while and I was always thankful I was part of the team. The kids made me feel that way too. I was far from a starter but I was a full member of the team. Even at reunions I take part in the stories that get better as time goes by.
Thanks for the encouragement Coach George Legan.
Affirming and encouraging others in this fitness for life and health may start with a wake up call from the doctor on health issues or not fitting into our clothes, but I think it progresses with encouragement, love and respect. We will have ups and downs but the habits of walking, strength training and flexibility will pay off big dividends as we feel better and even look better inside and out. Habits of fitness take some time to develop.
Eating smart where we put good food in moderation will pay off to. With each positive choice we make we can feel the difference. Today I was encouraged with new information concerning childhood trauma has on the feelings of working out. It gives me more awareness to be gentle and kind to those seeking to improve their health. The fat man is still Walking and on his attack the snack diet plan. Clothes are looser and 20 lbs leaner. Ups and downs but keep walking and you'll catch on be be on the team of good health. Keep walking

Friendship and health - friends matter

I have been thinking about friends, friendships and what they me to my health and walking. Without the friendship of family, mates, and friends of faith and in the workplace where would we be? I have been surprised it is not the friends I have chosen but the ones who have chosen me that have taken me by surprise. Many I have chosen but few have responded. The ones who have shows the truth that love has to be returned and shared to be tasted. Love that is reciprocal is most satisfying.
A daughter who chooses to go out on a father daughter date, she loved it and I got a kiss on the cheek for it. I long lost friend who has chosen to open up her heart to me to explore a friendship for faith and family that is close and enduring. A friend who accepts me and challenges my thinking. Another who similar battles of health remains close. My dear wife who allows me to reach out to love ones of both sexes and trust me. Friends at work who care about me, friends at church who affirm our bond together. When I add them up It is I who has received and returned so little.
"The righteous should choose his friends carefully" Prov. 12:26

James Burkey a Kindred Spirit

A man who has friends must show himself friendly; but there is a friend that sticketh closer to a brother" Proverbs 18:24

John 15:15"No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you."

Robert Louis Stevenson remarked "friends are a gift to you" Friends are equal but I suspect they are more than that. What do they have to do with health? They are are right in the middle of it. To each of my friends you have been born to through the ups and down and you have selected to remain. Bless you.

My cold have taken a turn for the worse today. My steps came mostly from work at 7,000 +. Tonight I have napped and rested. Posted a note or two and keep my phone ready. Friends have encouraged my steps and many have with me keep walking.

Romance and walk

Tomorrow I would have been married 35 years. The important thing is not to forget my anniversary. Tonight we are going to a sea food place and see the movie, The King's Speech which looks like a hoot. As usual we are planning a get away for another weekend. The weekend of Valentine's weekend is busy weekend for us. Last night we got together with friends and tonight a romantic dinner.
Part of romance a walk? Well for us it is. We went for a three mile walk and the winter conditions were perfect. Being together we are apt to to take it for granted. But this weekend on our 35th anniversary not likely.
The other night I had a bout of insomnia in which I was sleepless until 5:00 am. Cause, who knows, but I took a cold pill that reacted to me or one of my medicines. I did not anticipate a problem but it happened. Pay attention to medicines and their reactions. Sleep returned to normal the next two days. My problem cause an interest in an articleon stretching before bed time and a video by Dr. Oz on a routine. I looked at it and it had several good movements I can do before bed. My insomnia is anxiety driven and stretching before bed I have already seen some positive results. Having CP stretching reduces pain and helps my crazy body relax latter at night. Strategies do not remove all problems and I live Happy for ever after, but they do help me cope and give hope. Keep walking!

Christmas shootout - and winter activitiy

Merry Christmas fellow walkers,
This time of the year steps can be added through shopping, shoveling and indoor walks. Clearing the drive and side walks can give me over 4,000 steps. Use a step converter to use regular work and play activities to your daily total. At 58 I shovel with breaks if the snow is a heavy wet snow. Walking regularly helps me do work but I give myself more time to do the task. It is the same with cutting the grass. I cut a while then take a break with cool water or favorite cold beverage. I may read a book in the shade or enjoy looking and relaxing on the porch. Shoveling is no different, with outerwear I can enjoy a hot drink or cold drink and enjoy looking at a new snow. having bird feeders in the yard always give me something to relax and watch. Walking from where I left my task to my porch or kitchen table is more steps to add to my day. If I have been doing my aerobic walking my work times can be somewhat aerobic as well. But if the work is hard I let my walks and workouts be for my heart and work in the yard winter and summer I give my self more time and take needed breaks.
Using shores like shoveling as an activity for health gives me a good perspective on the work. We don't need to work at a pace that puts us at risk. There may come a day where such activity is unwise and work should be less stressful and less taxing. I believe activity can be healthful for many years to come. As always follow medical advise and stay walking and resistant training and stretching so that daily activity can be done for years to come.
At the Christmas dinner I ate a meal that was delicious but moderation and surrounding my plate with veggies made me feel better and less sluggish than if I over eat. I write about the meal now but at the party I made no big deal about it and enjoyed family and friends. Eating healthy and enjoying the meal and not being a bore about diet is something I am finding has its own value. It is like going through a major medical experience and sharing the experience. People really don't want to know the details. I write about these things in the blog and I am learning hopefully to write these thing to encourage the reader and myself that holidays can be enjoyed and still be healthy and keep us on track with weight loss and daily health.
Liam my new grand son is doing well. My four other grand kids and I had our traditional Nerf gun shoot out. The kids enjoy taking their best shot at me and colorful Hawaiian shirts. We must have shot at each other for over an hour. They hit me more than I hit them and with each hit they roared in laughter. We have protective eye gear and we have to shoot at a distance across the room. Our next shootout will be at Easter. Keep walking!

happy Thanksgiving thanks a gift

Have you ever considered saying thanks as being a gift to give people for recognizing some good effort to you or someone else. We need to encourage one another with a thanks for something done for us or someone else. Affirming kindness simply builds bonds between people. Noticing the kindness in others may start a trend that beats gossiping hands down.
In the great books of Narnia, Lord of the Rings and even Harry Potter gifts are given the heroes to help them in time in need to give them hope in their quests against evil and darkness. Gifts given are a reminder of grace, hope, faith, and love. saying thanks and your welcome gives hope and encouragement and the memory of it may help someone the next time share kindness. We need kindness, the ability to help those in need in a world to often filled with the competitive battle to be an alpha dog. Share kindness and say thanks, a great gift this holiday season and beyond.
Walked a 2 and half mile walk at Pilcher Park with friends at church. It was a nice way to begin the day followed by a service of just saying thanks including our favorite songs. Had a nice time with family talking and laughing with them. Blessed seeing the boys growing up and becoming men. Ate one portion at the holiday meal and enjoyed the food. Didn't over eat but didn't draw attention to myself about eating healthy. I enjoyed the family banter. Walking always helps a holiday go better, try it. Keep walking!