Suicide, who would of thought

Anthony Bourdain’s apparent suicide surprise us like a seldom used change up when we are sitting on a fastball. We are totally taken back. I remember being a kid hearing Superman, actor George Reeves committed suicide. Bourdain a man of the world, a man of words frames a travel script that makes Rick Steves look like he is in kindergarten. His death occurs while he is working an episode in France center zero for everything Bourdain loves, food, wine, and lots of talk. The French investigation has ruled suicide. Nobody has suggested otherwise. I hold out 5% if there is a possibility of foul play because Bourdain was often political in his programing had to have made enemies along the way. 

Suicide, hard to believe but that is how we often look at it when it happens. The following is a response I wrote in the NYT to an article How Suicide Quietly Morphed Into a Public Health Crisis

“Since depression can hit any of us I think it is time to attack it like we do cardiovascular, cancer, and diabetes. Suicide has hit the top ten of causes of death. By 63, 25% may be clinically depressed. A depressed person needs the intervention would give a cardiac event.

Yet it is too hard to get entrance into a hospital for evaluation and treatment. If one does get admittance one will lose personal rights. Units are locked and treatment is more like being in prison than a voluntary admission should be.

People trying to deal with their illness should be on parr with those treating other deadly conditions.

The brain how complex, when something goes wrong it often impairs our ability to seek help. Depression creates a depressed hopeless world. That is why we should plan ahead with support we need to deal with depression better.

Trading a gun or noose with a sympathetic needle is no solution.”

If you know me, you know I sought out help and went through hospitalization and treatment. I have been on both sides of a locked door. I did lose rights. I appreciated the care and intelligence behind my treatment and therapy. But getting admitted and how we look at these things needs to be more friendlier. 

Follow the NYT articles there are trends happening with suicide that are alarming. 

• Despite all the research and resolve to treat depression and suicide it has risen 25% measured from 1999 to 2016. NYT Benedict Carey June 7 2018
• Guns usually are involved in 50% of Suicides
• Alcohol and drugs are often involved in suicides. The increase of opiates has to factor in this increase. It isn’t always mental illness that sparks suicide. Acute conditions can cause suicide. 
• Downfall of economy will bring a rise in suicides. 

Make it easier for people to get the intervention they need to battle suicide. For people who are willingly seeking help take the locks off hospitals treating depression. Locked units should only be for the process of law. There are millions of people who voluntarily seek treatment. 

Every person reaching there 50’s and 60’s should have a mental check up like they do for their hearts, cancer and diabetes. Life stresses and losses mean something. 

Bourdain’s travels gave him some hard trials that broke down his health. On some of his shows he was seriously sick for weeks.

He was a drinker and had used drugs and maybe that was a strong factor. 

He looked at the dark side of things and if you are there for too long who knows. 

I liked the guy. I am sorry he had thoughts of suicide and actually acted out suicide. How would CNN and the NYT had covered Bourdain if he did an intervention to prevent suicide. Would he still have been a man of the world? Would he still have kept his show? Would we have looked at him differently had he had a heart problem or cancer? My questions are leading but I think we have to make it easier to take on a blue world. Keep walking 

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/08/health/suicide-spade-bordain-cdc.html?WT.nav=top-news&action=click&clickSource=story-heading&hp&module=second-column-region&pgtype=Homepage&region=top-news

Facing up to the 10th cause of death in aging men

In walking with the fat man, we face probably four major issues as we age. Cardiovascular disease, cancer, diabetes and dementia are the culprits who prevent us from a healthy aging. If we are able to age healthy we face normal aging process where we just wear out, overcome due to pneumonia for example. But there is more…

According to an article that I read from Todays Geriatric Medicine March April 2018, p. 23-27 How Physicians Can Help Prevent Elders Suicide, the 10th cause of death among elderly man is suicide. 

Why as we age is suicide a factor? You may have come across the phrase, “Getting old is not for sissies.” For men loss of spouses, increasingly becoming disabled, chronic pain and illnesses, early onset of dementia, in particular terminal conditions set the stage for depression and suicide. 

Only 5% of people who are depressed will commit suicide in their lifetime. But men who reached the age of 85 are more open to the idea of suicide believing that their situation is hopeless. Finding hope in terminal conditions may be the hardest thing that we have to do. The article shares insights in how the doctor can intervene and I think the ideas are well worth reading.

Depressed thinking with people who reached the age of 85 is I think reasonable to assume that there many reasons to be depressed. Pain and suffering from chronic terminal diseases can take a toll on our mental health. Losses all prepare us for the biggest loss in life, our own. We all have a lot in common with those who are suffering with depression as they age. Eventually in our life there are problems that we cannot solve. There may be strategies to help us cope better, but sometimes we face an outcome that we cannot overcome.

I am not endorsing suicide, but I understand it. One of the things that comes into play as we age we may lose cognitive ability to make good decisions. Becoming disabled is very stressful. In many types of dementia there is actual loss in brain matter relating to decision-making and other cognitive skills. There are many types of medicine that can fog our brain. 

I would like to mention two things to consider:

• Because at 63, 25% of us could be clinically depressed. At the age of 85, 50% of us are suffering from some type of dementia. Dementia directly affects how we think and evaluate things. If we see signs of the negative change and you're more likely to see it in a family setting then in a doctors office, we should be part of the intervention. Does the elderly man have a gun? Is it time to confiscate the gun especially in cases of dementia or in periods of depression? The loss of the gun should be determined by the condition the elderly man faces. Will he recover from depression? Is there in the dementia now going to be part of a permanent condition? Is the treatment for some other disease clouding up his use of the brain? It is reasonable to me that we respond to safety of the elderly man and his family.
• At a time on a person may need mental care the most it is actually harder to get professional help. Medical coverage is not available. There are two sides to the coin in my opinion. One his medical care is too expensive to begin with. I'm sorry but I believe greed enters into the equation. On the other hand, we make it too difficult for people to get mental health care in the first place. The criteria of harm to self or others is to narrow. If we treat the heart because we discover the many things go wrong, why haven't we taken the same approach with our brain? The brain is the most complicated organ in our body. Isn't it strange that we should not assume that things may go wrong as we know with our heart. Our brain only faces greater challenges as we age, and yet we ignore this and don't improve how we treat this stuff. 

Vital connection

We need to stay connected. Many of the elderly are isolated, alone dealing with serious medical problems and loss of loved ones. This problem is only going to get worse. Our children and grandchildren live in a lost world isolated on their devices. They are too preoccupied to play one of the biggest rolls in their lives. They don't have time to learn to love and care for their grandparents or parents. You can't call them because they only respond to a text. Maybe? But they're actually building isolated walls for themselves. This aging stuff will fall harder on them. 

I will follow up this post with ideas that are more positive. I think it's a good idea to read about the issues as we age. I'm one hand we can't dwell on them, but on the other hand we need to be informed with the things that we are facing. Living better with whatever we face is one of our goals. Keep walking

Have you ever been crazy with home projects? Making work enjoyable

Spencer Tracy

Put to gather my indoor recumbent exercise bike today. Took me about three hours to put it together. Bike in Texas for about a half an hour and later watched the Illini for another 30 minute drive. True to form the ride was comfortable. My trail ride I changed intensity and the game  I kept an easy pace. The ride was easy on the back. The cycle gives a good range of motion. Reminds me of my outdoor recumbent bike. The biking put me well over 10,000 steps for the day.
I know I am known for being patient with kids. When it comes to putting things together or projects at home I am actually the opposite. A few years ago I decided to change the craziness. Here are some of the ideas that have helped me.

1. Assume because it is true, that I am no expert. (Where did I get the idea I worked for Bob Villa? in fact at times I could be a novice, unskilled, and if it is really important, hire someone to do it. If I do attempt to do it expect problems.
2. Allow yourself time to do it. Why am I in a hurry? There is no rational reason for me being in a hurry. Relax, What can I do to make it easier?
3. Laugh and when in doubt, laugh again.
4. When a problem comes up if possible take a step back. Do I understand the step or procedure? Do I lack the skill needed for particular step? Can I with practice get better at it or is it something that would be better served by someone who does it for a living. If I am working with Barb, really take a step back. She can often get an angle I can't. My idea may not be working. Which I think is funny because I am doing something I never did before. The main thing is what ever my frustrations, they are not hers. Take responsilbily for my moods.
5. Today's project I was able to do just about all of it. There was one step that took more than two hands. When Barb got home, I showed her what we needed to do and I tried to help her do what she could to help me. She looked it over and gave me a very helpful suggestion that made it kind easy. So today we score one for the good guys. 

It beats the insanity. Keep walking

"Sh*t happens"

One thing we have today is health. What ever we did yesterday is gone. Tomorrow hasn’t happen yet. Jesus said, in Matt. 6:34 “Therefore don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” So today we have to deal with the trouble of the day.

"Life happens, while you're busy making other plans.” John Lennon

Forest Gump apparently started many legendary trends. The movie credited him with the phrase “sh*t happens” 

Life that happiness is what we got to get onto. I am looking at a winter day coming to a close on a winter day. My cactus plant is sharing it’s winter flowers. Today the sky is clear. These are all good things just here to be noticed. Got up and got a cup coffee while I was waiting for the microwave I did push-ups, Dips and squats, and heal raises. I notice my breathing got a little deeper. My coffee tastes good. These are just observing moments in the present. But being aware of them my body is relaxed and mellow.

What do I have planned today that is healthy for me? “Five is fine, nine is divine” referring to the fruits and vegetables serving today. While surfing the net yesterday I came across two articles from the BBC about how the Mediterranean diet can reverse cell aging. I am eating an apple right now. Having a couple coffee, eating an apple I know helps against heart disease, cancer and diabetes. The fact that it taste good is a bonus. I already had a good day sleep and I will get my walks in. I will do some suspension training for strength training and stretching for flexibility. Knowing that I'm doing these things helps me feel good that today I do good things for my health.

“Life happens,” I think we usually think of bad things that might happen long way (“sh*t happens”), but it is possible then we can also take note of the good things that happen or even the simple things that give gentle responses that make up a good day. Jesus referred to “life happens” as “each day is trouble of its own”. Trials come, difficulties jump at us. Sometimes this is our job, let me explain. When I work and school my job usually kicked in when problems happen. No, I could think, “Man my life is going so smooth. I was coasting along everything was easy and now bam, I got to work.” But over the years I began to see that this is why I was there. I would use task analysis and other strategies to anticipate problems and maybe solve them before they happen, but the happening wasn't my fault. Nearly every day I would talk with my co-workers about the things that happened and how best to deal with it next time. Now is an opportunity to work through it, to  help the student or students to a good outcome. That attitude eliminated a lot of frustration for sure.

I recently read an article that said that now is the best time to begin a walk program into exercise today. We actually may get the most benefit from exercise and lifestyle changes that we do right now. We cannot change the past but we can do something about today. If you were somewhere between 50 and 70 you can begin a walk program where your probably walking aerobically within 12 weeks. If you are over 70 you're walking can really benefit you, even if they are short walks. You know the health challenges that you face and your doctor knows, but making smart lifestyle changes and beginning to include walking, strength training, flexibility can help you deal with painful joints, improve your immune system, help getting the blood flowing through head to toe and if you have to start off small, so be it. Recovering from injuries that are serious illness may take a physical therapist. There has been several times when physical therapy helped decrease my pain and increase my movement. It works. In my life plenty of restarts, life happens, but restarts are far better then giving up.

In the area mental health there is again the idea “life happens”. For me it has been an opportunity to work on the whole gamut of things. Right off the bat I can tell you that I feel better and mentally, I feel like I've healed. My medications have been reduced along the way I've gained a lot of confidence. In mood swings I experience, I now look at each opportunity the same way. I have an opportunity to work towards a good outcome. I am really not as frustrated with it now that I expect it. I don't draw on the past and let the abuse rule me, I let that go. Now I give myself time and effort to work through the moods, choosing to do the good things for me and the ones in my life. I want to own up to my mental an emotional life. It is on me and not others (Particularly Barb) to take care of. 

Making plans is good but taking time to catch “Life happens” makes the day better. Keep walking

Unwanted things OK, but live anyway

What is it about a pipe and
thinking. 

We are halfway through fall and it reminded me of how great it is to walk this time of year. The sun was shining this afternoon and it was refreshing to see the lakes on our walk. The water was rich blue. I am getting the timing down on my walking with the cane where it is there if I need it and not for weight-bearing. My goal is to have my gate remain the same, as if I wasn't walking with a cane. In the 19th century people use walking sticks rather commonly. I think my make over would be complete, all I need is pipe and the game is a foot.

I was basking in the sun earlier. Now is a good for making vitamin D and bone health it also is good for seasonal mood problems. Brief times in and the sun can be healthy.

With the ability to take notes audibly with my phone I have been recording various quotes from books I've been reading. It's kind of fun recording things that you think are significant. You run the risk that nobody else thinks of it as significant but, the road to travel is your own anyway.

Years ago I started reading Robert Parker and the Spencer series, thanks to the acting of Robert Urich and Avery Brooks. Parker has a lively wit and he also  brings in a character who covers the plot from a shrink point of view. In the Jesse Stone series the shrink is an ex-cop, Dix. He is a crusty character who delivers Bob Parker one-liners. Therapy for Jessie Stone is a slow process. Change is hard for Jessie and I think that's the way it should be. "Why is this so hard?" The quote below was when the two of them hit a wall. 

“'Unresolved feelings don’t resolve themselves. Just because you shove unwanted things into the attic doesn’t mean they aren’t still there.’ Man, he especially hated those rare occasions when Dix would get folksy or metaphorical.” Bob Parker’s Jesse Stone 

Whatever the unwanted things are it is different for each of us. That usually only come out when something is painful or hard to deal with. We don't want them but there they are. I am beginning to think therapy is like me losing weight. It is hard to do and if it was easy this would've been a short blog. Put in the big picture doing things that are good for my heart is a day by day thing. Whatever the struggle is in “unwanted things” are or weight life goes along with it. Embracing today in-house remodeling, sitting on the porch, going for a walk, enjoying the evening meal and a ride in a car all became part of life embrace today. Simple stuff, Keep walking

Aging does factor into depression

I wrote early on in my blog concerning the death of Robin Williams the possibility that aging was a factor. Initially reports indicated long-term alcohol and drug and depression issues were the cause to his suicide. And then there's the omission by his wife that Robin was struggling with early signs of Parkinson's. I was reading a brochure by the national institute of mental-health about depression and Parkinson's and I heard and read different psychiatrists talking about it and I learned that Parkinson’s disease destroys our brain cells that produce dopamine. And for those people who are fighting depression anyway they are more prone to have Parkinson's contribute to their depression. 

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-and-parkinsons-disease/index.shtml

There are many medications which replenish our dopamine and serotonin which work very well with people who suffer depression because of Parkinson's. Parkinson's is a disorder that generally has an onset with males after the age of 50. Mr. Williams at the age of 63 had early signs of it. So it seems that aging did play a factor in this particular suicide attempt that led to his tragic death. His long-term problems and self-esteem are also part of the equation. But in his mind with this attempt did he lose hope and did he see failure as an aging actor who was soon be showing signs of visible disease. 

Loss of hope and making a plan to commit suicide is always something to take note.

Dr. Thomas Insel in his blog dated August 13, 2014 commenting on Robin Williams mentioned that suicide is in the top 10 of things that kills and we need to pay attention to it like we do cancer, diabetes, and heart disease. 

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/about/director/2014/robin-williams.shtml

For all of us Robin Williams raises a red flag that we should pay attention to; as we age there are changes that happened that can make is blue. Winston Churchill referred to it as the “black dog”. Keep in mind that Winston Churchill was in the 60s when he was dealing with World War Two and he chose two coping strategies to deal with. For him there was work and alcohol. Churchill didn't lose hope nor make a plan to end his life. The possibility that things happen to us as we get older which could bring on depression points out to our need to identify the symptoms of depression like we would to identify symptoms of heart attack or stroke so that, we get treatment right away. We are less likely to do that with depression because depression distorts our judgment and thinking where we don't see it. 

So many people shared how they are friends with Robin Williams, but if you were they able too really help him see what's going on. The red flag for us is to have people around who can intervene when we need it. There is effective therapy that can help us to change our thinking and combat the lies of depression. We also need a doctor who knows us and if we have a history of depression and show signs of Parkinson's can put two and two together. 

Many of you have read articles about how to identify the signs of a heart attack. Yet when these signs occur how many of those have argued with ourselves about what they mean. Sometimes we just have to trust the instinct to go and have an expert check it out. The same is true with depression, loss of hope, thoughts of failure, helplessness, withdrawal from others,  making a plan to commit suicide. We may not know all the reasons why so we need someone to help us sort it out. Right now there're around 25% of seniors or sitting around depressed and not doing nothing about it. They are living in a dark mood trying to carry on. If that describes you, talk to people you love and see what they say, talk to your General practitioner and see if he has a recommendation of a doctor that you can see. Walking with the fat man means we choose to do something healthy for us so that whatever days we have left to live are the best days that we can do. Keep walking

Big picture for baby boomers on depression and aging

Got an article in today's Wall Street Journal about Robin Williams suicide as it relates to suicide rates of the BBB boomers between the ages 35 and 64. Reported by Zusha Ellison. Traditionally suicide occurs more often in older people. This is consistent with two recent blogs that I wrote about. Aging I believe brings its own problems of suicide. Lifelong struggles with self-esteem and mental health, stress can pay a toll on people as they age. Sometimes the older we live our options seem less. Certainly in our health issues we can face problems that are life-threatening. There is also something that happens to our very minds as we get older like every other part of her body our brains can show where and tear. 

It seems suicide is declining for people who live past 75. This makes sense to me for two reasons: one, if you lived to 75 you were probably healthier to begin with both in the mind and body. And the longer you live the truer that would seem to be. I have read studies from different countries and those who live a long life are going to be people who more likely can handle stress. People who had health problems earlier in their 50s and 60s like heart disease, cancer, and diabetes have a harder time living older and need more medical invention. Two, people who have economic and social stress along with drug abuse and alcohol were themselves at higher risk for suicide. I read a quote that Robin Williams apparently said, "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone." – Robin Williams No matter what problems you have I believe there's hope if you're willing to want to deal with it.

Like many comedians who say good things, they often have insight into their emotional sides. One of the things that article brought out is our increasing isolation from each other. It's ironic that the very blessing sharing on my blog shows another phenomena of our life on the computer. People spend more time under devices than they do with each other.

I noticed a trend in education. 25 to 30 years ago the teachers lounge, due to having a place for people to smoke, created quite a place for dialogue and debate. At the time I was just a young guy listening to the old sea lions as they bellowed their sage wisdom. For me it was actually informative, funny, entertaining and at least worth three graduate courses of knowledge. When I retired from education, we were healthier because of non-smoking, but the teachers lounge was more isolated with individual groups staying within their little friendships. And as I walked the halls of the school I notice more and more teachers would spend time under computers rather than their comrades of arms. Even when the kids were in the classroom teachers would be on their computers and not engage with their students. To be fair in the good old days teachers may have spent time reading the newspaper or book and not be engage with the students. Different tools with the same problem, people not engaged in a dynamic classroom.

Believe it or not, I would rather bring back the smoking and bull sessions over one's favorite drink then the corporation training that education has become. It is always more refreshing to hear honest opinion than political correctness that bores me to tears.

So Robin Williams makes us more aware of the problem of drugs both prescription and not and alcohol and how that those things hinder dealing with depression. It seems everybody who knew him or had contact with him made a similar observation, “Robin is a class act and often took time to cheer others up,” like Christopher Reeve when he underwent back surgery. Many were asking today, “Why he couldn't get help?” That will always remain to me an unanswered question. Depression will always remain a complicated and painful experience where there are victories and defeats. 

One of the last good points that was pointed out is the fact that baby boomers wanted to deny aging. And when ageing happens, they seem less prepared for that then earlier generations. On one hand we have the AARP ideal of happy sunset experiences. I am actually all for that at least most of my days. But then there's the other side of aging which has its challenges that we have to do our best to cope with. If we can't face our challenges, they may do us in. 

For now what can we learn from our explorations with depression: 

• Put a psychiatric expert on our medical team as we get older. It is always good to be prepared if something does come up.
• Be more aware of drugs and alcohol and how they affect our discernment and mental state. 
• Become more aware of how our mind changes as we get older. Like every other system in the body there's always something. 
• If you have stress in your life, don't deny it, don't do nothing about it. Stress can hurt the body and mind and finding ways to reduce it is always a good idea. 
• Live life, keep developing friends. Remember computers are a thing and a tool, people are the real deal. Give less time to negative people and more time to people that really care about you. And don't forget care about them. 

Keep walking

http://online.wsj.com/articles/robin-williamss-age-group-at-heightened-suicide-risk-1407875597

Robin Williams lost to depression, encourages us to not be blue senior.

Robin Williams 1951-2014

In the world of depression and the many forms it takes at stake is a battle for one life at a time. Just yesterday we learned of the death of Robin Williams, age 63 from a suicide. I hope the police do a thorough investigation to be accurate on the cause of death of this great actor. 

I actually thought this about Robin, I would love to have met him not for an autograph or a picture, but just say thanks to someone who I come to believe is nice guy. But in the world of celebrity I can see how that wish multiplied by millions of has its own problems. I will continue to watch his work for years to come. That's the magic of film.

In a recent blog I wrote of depressions affecting 25% of us at the age of 63. I was initially thinking of depression on setting due to aging. The factors of depression can also be going on for a long time as we see here with Mr. Williams. Isn't it amazing this amazing talent with so many wonderful performances has struggled with his worth. Throwing problems with alcohol and drugs this problem with depression accelerates. The lies of depression become believable. How did aging factor into this attempt that ended his life? 

I hope this story doesn't become another chapter of Hollywood going dark. For me this is a story that's bigger, more human that touches all of us. It is not just actors, but people of any profession or talent who may struggle with self-worth, high expectations and I believe that, “I'm failing and whatever it is it's not good enough”. There is a lie in depression that distorts reality. When I was depressed all I heard was I failed, my career wasn't good enough, I couldn't do enough for my kids, I failed in my ministry, I disappointed my wife, my life wasn't worth living. Now listen very carefully to what I'm saying, everything I thought about at that time was wrong. The truth was I was well-liked at work and just about every kid that I work with benefited by me being there. Both of my kids accepted me and told me how I was always there for them and despite my thinking, I was a good dad. In my ministry there was a long line of kids walking with the Lord today and I was part of that. My wife being straightforward told me, “This isn’t who you are. You are not a failure.” In fact it was my son and my wife who intervene to win the argument that I should go for help. 

In the following weeks I learned how depression works and how to confront the lies of depression. I began getting better weeks before the medicine would kick in by just applying to therapy I was learning. It would take work but at stake was my very life. I was considering suicide which was a very real thought for me back then. 

The lies of depression can interpret what we read, think and feel but, I know that God didn't think this way. I was “accepted in the beloved” Ephesians 1:6. My devotions in the hospital were simple and clear. There was no need to pray over and over, I would pray once and then leave it in the hands of the one who loves me. At the time I would perseverate experiencing anxiety attacks. In the next five years I participated in treatment and therapy in which I made a recovery from depression and I am able to control my anxiety. In fact right now my anxiety rarely occurs. 

I am sure that they'll be a lot of sensational stories come out about Robin Williams. I think he was a good guy, always made me laugh or think. I am sorry that depression won in his life. It is part of a big issue where 25% of us at age 63 and over battle with depression. Don't believe the lie of it, you can fight it. You don't need drugs or booze to deal with it, it can be treated and we are a long way from “one flew over the cuckoo nest”. Don't be a blue senior, look into the best treatment options that can help you. Keep walking

God is there in the dark moments

Sea crash where Spaffords lose their children

When you read Job 1 you will see Job lost everything dear to him. The result of the loss sent Job into a depression, chapter 2. To make matters worse Job's counsel is weeks of listening to negative voices. This is easy to do when you are depressed. Depression has its own outlook that is very dangerous. The circumstances of depression have to be considered and healing has to take place as we cope the realities of loss. We shouldn’t under play these circumstances, they are real and horrible. Each one of us would be deeply affected. 
You may be aware of the hymn "It is well with my Soul," written by Horatio Spafford (1828-1888) After losing home and investment to the Chicago fire in 1871, he sought recover for him and his family by taking a mission trip to England with D. L. Moody. He sent his family ahead as he cared for unfinished business and received a telegram from his wife "Saved alone". His four daughters drowned at sea.  Sailing to reunite with his wife he penned the hymn, "It is Well with My Soul."

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way, When sorrows like sea billows roll; Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain It is well, with my soul, It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, Let this blest assurance control, That

Spafford's life in Chicago 1870, before the trials

Christ has regarded my helpless estate, And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought! My sin, not in part but the whole, Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live: If Jordan above me shall roll, No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait, The sky, not the grave, is our goal; Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord! Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back as a scroll; The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend, Even so, it is well with my soul.

One might think that as the story goes I know everything works out. But sometimes the pain continues and the problems present themselves.

Words put together and published by 1873. P. P. Bliss wrote the music in 1876.  Spafford's life continues. He and his wife would have three more children. One more child would die in childhood. He did move to Jerusalem to set up a children’s home with the hope to become a overcomer. He dies of malaria which leaves his mind in a delusional state. His hymn has been a great encouragement to many. He struggled later with faith yet moved forward with the Lord. His work in Jerusalem, The American Colony is well known for their care of those in need. This work is still going on today. His wife and daughter worked in to the Old city until 1968. Horatio taught Jewish boys from 1882 to 1888.

Acknowledge the loss, and give time to heal
by faith trust as you move forward

It seems obvious that we can underplay circumstances that are significant. We do have losses and sorrows. They can add up to really affect how we live and behave. But the real the real story behind "It is Well with My Soul" Horatio Spafford wrote was that despite his struggles he did move forward. He found hope in the Lord. He did in the last years of his life seek to help others. He used his talents, directed the business he was in.  He went from a lawyer to an educator and an administrator that cared for children. His struggle along with his wife's was significant. The stresses add up and add malaria, and possible brain illness as he aged and he experiences mental confusion and early death at 60. Healing and wholeness happens in glory. The truth of the song he wrote is not just when things go right but God is there when things go horribly wrong. Keep walking

Some basic things I did to return to mental health

This is the second part of how I dealt with mental illness. It took time and effort and it was well worth it. Experiencing depression and anxiety is awful and to find relief and health is pretty impressive. In walking with the fat man, one of the things I try to do is share some of the things that I've done to improve my health. And when it comes to mental illness I think it's important for me to be strong on the subject. Mental illness in my opinion has taking on the added burden of moral quality which I think can interfere with the progress of it. 
It is true that the way we think, and behave, and socially interact with each other comes down to our spiritual and our mental health. Even now we get along with others plays into this subject. But I think there are things like our personality, and a behavior, and even our thinking which is not affected by some form of disability or dysfunction of the brain. A healthy person can choose to be a jerk. A healthy person can choose to miss behave.
But like many things in our body it is quite possible that things go wrong. Sometimes things like depression can come on because of aging, I read a recent article where it' reported that 25% of people who are 63 suffer from chronic depression. In my opinion it's unreasonable to think that in the same way our body breaks down whether it's our bones, muscles, nervous system, organs, and certainly our brain has issues as we move along in life. One of our reactions to this kind of problem is hiding our condition and keeps things secret. People may do this when they come across various heart complaints for example. Rather than deal with that by going to a doctor; they fearfully will ignore it and sometimes suffer tragic consequences.  So rather than hide from it or ignore it, I chose to get help and deal with it as best I can.
First, it wasn’t just my evaluation that I needed help, but my family also took note of my problem and

let me know their input. Secondly, it was agreed that I would seek the best help possible. I knew from my looking around that I wanted to go to a hospital outside my area which had a good reputation for helping people. I knew that they would aggressively apply their knowledge to my situation and I wouldn’t just be sitting around resting. I wanted to do something about my insomnia, and long-term depressive state that I was in, and I also wanted to relook at anger issues and things like that.

Third, while I was in the hospital I kept the big picture in mind and I didn't bother myself with all the little quirky things that people do in the hospital. My roommate was an older gentleman who was struggling with dementia. He had this thing to steal everything and put it in his closet, particularly he focused on diet Pepsi cups that they use in the drinks. He would steal things of mine but I had the inside track. When he left the room and on his treasure hunt I would just go in the closet and got my stuff and put it back into my area. I dressed simply and just had a few things so it was easy to keep track of. In return this kind old gentleman did me a favor by going to bed every night at 9 o'clock at night and he would sleep until nine in the morning. This allowed me a quiet room at night where I could read and begin to deal with the sleep medicine that I needed to do. They asked if I would like to move to another room, but I said “No, I got this I'm okay.” Along with flexibility my devotions were simple and God was with me through it all. I knew I was dealing with a illness and not sin.
Fourth, I focused on what I had to do and I learn from others. After a couple days the doctors felt that I would benefit from a day program. The day program was perfect. I was being monitored as to my medicines, and I was learning and dealing with things, and I could practice them at home where I had the support of my family to help me. In particular not believing the lies of depression and learning ways to distract from anxiety to disarm anxieties grip on me.
Since medicine was a part of my treatment one thing that really helped was to drink plenty of water. I was able to continually process the medicine and at no time did I feel strange or tired with it. But I was able to sleep for the first time in several years and I continued to make progress dealing with depression and anxiety.
Two years later I went back into the day program where my medicine was readjusted and I was able to look at particularly post-traumatic stress. Overall I have dealt with depression pretty good, and I really overcome anxiety. I continue to learn about chemical imbalances, post-traumatic stress, and anxiety.  I practice many things I have learned in therapy and in my research. It takes a combination of working on your therapy and medicine to be successful with something that's really is a mental illness problem.
Three things I know I do not want to define my life as I move on is one, I do not want to live in depression and two, I want to be able to sleep on normally and third thing, I want to make sure post-traumatic stress doesn't define my behavior. I see a psychiatrist every three months, and that may change down the road one way or another.
Are my problems in remission? Or have I been healed? I would say a little of both. But I do feel that I have become healthier. One I think medication is helped. I also think that group therapy was very insightful. I learned a lot from other people going through similar struggles and how they were dealing with it or not dealing with it. Having therapy and reading new material I found very helpful. I was trained years ago in psychology and it was kind of fun to update myself on stuff going on today.
Don't you find that kind of fascinating yourself as you deal with your health problems? A friend of mine recently had cataract surgery; think about how cataract surgery was done 50 years ago. We are really come along way. In mental health I think there's been a lot of progress. If there is one thing I could take away from the process it would be for anyone not to be ashamed, or guilty over having a problem. The true numbers of health are out there and there are a lot of people in the same boat.
It took seven weeks of some type of outpatient care. It took professional help from several doctors who treated me. There were many hours of therapy that I was involved with. But if you think about any possible disease that can take your life there are similar investments of time and energy in overcoming those problems.
And so the fat man walks in finding something worthwhile to keep going and maybe encouraging other people. Keep walking

Being aware of depression and know it can be cared for has been my experience

I was reading Robert Hill's Seven Strategies for Positive Aging, he looks at attending a high school reunion as a metaphor in life. Steve attended his high school 50th reunion. What happens at a reunion is your enter a time phenomenon where your see people your age and yet your memories take you back and despite all the changes you remember what all these people look like. Personalities don't change. Steve noticed there were people who aged very well. The one characteristic was they looked toward life positively and saw their assets and not their deficits.  They were able to change and adapt with age. I thought it funny Steve referred to him and his classmates as middle age. I wonder at what time do we get old?
In the spirit of my reading, I saw several interesting articles in the news today related to getting older. In regard to dementia one study I looked at today shared how moderate regular exercise started by older people can help the brain to grow and delay onset of mental decline even by a year or two. For many such activity will have multiple effects. What is a value of one or two years of health? Maybe it helps longer? Check out the article.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/exercise-to-beat-dementia-regular-physical-activity-boosts-brain-regeneration-9133688.html

A study out of University of Chicago reports loneliness can be twice as deadly as obesity. Being alone

can contribute to depression and that in turn can do a number on our health.
Here is where the Fat Man can be an encouragement to you today. Several years ago I decided to treat depression and anxiety so depression would not be how I aged. Depression is treatable and worth the effort to be healed and move on. Insomnia as well is better to treat it and sleep better. I have read and reported how 25% of us are depressed at 63. It is one of those things that we should be aware of. When you are depressed there is a sense of hopelessness. I can tell you first hand that it can be treated. It feels wonderful to be well. It took work and care and wasn't easy but there is an other side. It is why I am open about being care for.
A mental illness is not a criminal act. It is not something that diminishes our self worth and character. Only 4% of those with a mental illness act out in a criminal way. If you take a closer look they probably have already done so ill or not. Our brains like our heart, lungs, arteries, kidneys, liver, muscles and bones have issues as we live and age. Illnesses can be cured, go into remission, coped with where life goes on. My depression it appears is cured. My anxiety disorder is being managed most of the time I don't even know it is there. There are times when I am sick where anxiety says hello. I have several techniques I have learned to quickly respond where it goes away.
Be aware as you get older loneliness and depression may need help. Read the article, University of Chicago http://psychcentral.com/news/2014/02/17/loneliness-can-be-lethal-for-seniors/66020.html

Prevent defense in football may not work, but prevent lifestyle choices can really prevent a heart attack. Here are some key ideas to be aware of. http://news.health.com/2014/02/15/taking-care-of-your-heart/

Keep walking

Thinking about pain - ouch!

I read an article today from Health Day news that reported the role of pain in sleep problems as we age. "Up to 80 percent of people 65 and older experience some form of pain on a daily basis, according to the news release."  Phillip Yancy wrote in his insightful book, Where is God When it Hurts; Pleasure and pain use the same senses and often go together. Pain is part of life and we tend to do everything we can to not experience it. We may dull our senses with drugs or alcohol. We may turn up the volume on our music, retreat into a video game or TV. Pain warns us, heightens our senses, taste of bitter and sweet, sex involves areas sensitive to touch and pain, Ice and heat applied initially we react but feel better as our blood moves to heal and re leave inflammation.  But the pain that keeps us up is chronic pain and insomnia hurts our health. It is part of our life now  and we must learn to come to terms with it. 

Think about this a moment - “Modern culture saddens me because, while it seeks to turn down the volume on pain, it constantly turns up the volume from all other sources. We have ears: they are bombarded with decibels until the subtle tones are lost forever. Listen to music from any other century, twelfth, sixteenth, even nineteenth, and compare it to what most people listen to today. We have eyes: the world assaults them with neon lights and phosphorescent colors until a sunset or butterfly pales in comparison.” Yancey, Philip (2010-02-23). Where Is God When It Hurts? (pp. 48-49). Zondervan. Kindle Edition.

I have found in my own dealing with pain that it takes several strategies to get a grip on pain. Dealing with chronic pain needs to be evaluated by your doctor. If you have been dealing with pain for awhile it is time to check in with your doctor. Several strategies can be acted upon. For me, finding what is right for me in pain support. The use of physical therapy to relieve pain and some strategies to take my focus off the pain. Moving relieves pain, resistant training builds tendons and muscle to give better support for joint pain. Drinking plenty of water lubricates old joints. Exercise for me has reduced my need for over medicating my self with meds. 
The pain of depression can be healed, pain in relationship can bring joy. It is normal to have pain and to learn from it and to seek to over come it. The older I get I realize I may never be free of it, but I can use pain to remind me I am alive. And when joy, happiness, pleasure, feelings of worth come from helping others soak it in to drown the pain out. 
Learn for people who give and serve. Their hardships are endured with joy. They may with others be glad inn their struggles.  Learn form people who do everything to escape pain and take a closer look at how they are not really living. The latest gimmick, tech, treatment, isolates them and their pain continues. Keep walking

I am not depressed, but this article caught my interests, some here are my thoughts

Manet

In my reading sections there was an interesting article on Is Suicide Painless? Quoted is the original article where the author says it is peaceful and OK, then the author gives His response.
Is Suicide Painless?

Will Meecham, MD, MA at Guideposts to Happiness

A picture tells a thousand words, maybe more.
Death has millions of possibilities in regard to pain and it only a guess as to what the person is suffering. I think we have the idea that we can make death clinical and clean. But any measurement will include heighten anxiety. For sure we can wear down and exhausted slip into eternity. But we can only view this from the outside at best.

I get it I am older, some days the skies are gray,
I still went for a swim, lets find good reasons to
carry on

It was been my experience to witness a suicide attempt or success about 10 times. It was never neat of clean. People who were successful with it, it was bloody and frightening to the victim. Several were unsuccessful, painful, and long regretted. One fella jumped from five stories and lived. He lost the use of half of his body, was reduced to life in a wheelchair, lost an eye. He spent months in painful rehab but resolved a will to live.
Depression convinces us of a peaceful romantic end, but it is never that. Some like Hemingway die for others to clean up and painfully deal with. What ever course is chosen painless is not an option.
I have read a book recently by Billy Graham on aging. It was a good read. His health has since become more frail. He still finds good moments with his children. I am sure he looks forward to heaven and reunion with his wife, but he stills embraces life God has for him. Life has good and bad, but loving God and others will protect us from depressions, lies and distortions. Keep walking
 

Safe place and time to heal our burdens

Let's start with a few good quotes I have found in my surfing the net and reading.
Here is a quote that could fit any mystery novel with a male lead, "A woman came in, looked around, moved to the counter. I wished I was more than I was." Jack Taylor, author Ken Bruen. Simple wording of a complex feeling.
Here are two inspirational quotes to think about:
"We build to many walls and not enough bridges" Isaac Newton I find it is a lot easier to build walls.
"To ease another's burden is to forget one's own." Abraham Lincoln
Truly is a great thought, but can we forget our burdens? When I look at the photos of Abraham Lincoln in office you can see what stress did to him. The fact is despite his personal cost he went beyond his burdens to help others.
The Apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 1:3,4, "Praise the God and Father of our Lord

Kindness and care mean a lot

Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God." Our burdens are used to help others. Empathy and compassion don't come easy for us. The things we go through can stretch our heart to care and understand. 2nd Corinthians has great insight into the ministry of caring for others and how suffering relates.
Burdens and suffering can have a long term effect on us. Lincoln had to serve and it cost him. He was not in a time of healing but in a time of great conflict and suffering. I think there are times when we are in the middle of conflict where there is no time for a retreat. A child in rebellion, a spouse fighting a terminal illness, the stress of serious surgery or in a war where one has to fight, run withdraw to survive. A child or spouse in an abusive relationship where they are lost in a forest and can't see through the trees. The burdens are costly and heavy. We can only forget so long before they eat us inside.
We need a place that is safe and a time to heal and come to terms with our burdens.
Peter quotes Ps. 55 in 1 Peter 5:7, "casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you." We can't keep our burdens, we have to give them to the one who loves and cares for us. Finding friends who have learned from their burdens and understand yours and great to share and talk it out. We can't stay in war or in an abused relationship, we need safety to begin to heal.
I am not sure it is discussed, but hospitals are thought to be safe places yet in them we may face our greatest fears. I think of it the same way I think of "shell shock". Hospitals can be a warzone for our health. Some of the things I went to has given me some insight into this. If you are in hard time in your life, put on your team of care friends, doctors, nurses, Psychiatric support to get you though this bad time. "There is a friend that is closer than a brother" and you can "cast all your care on Him, because He cares about you." Keep walking
 

Professor's past catches up to him - my take on the story

A very interesting story hit the news this week. I think it invokes our fears about mental illness when it turns violent. James Wolcott, now Dr. St James a man who is my age, killed his family 46 years ago. It rings clearly of premeditation and his own testimony he stated his hatred of his family and planned their death for a week. At 15 he was declared insane and released according to the news accounts 6 years later as sane. One news discussion I heard stated he was paranoid schizophrenia. 
He earns a masters, begins a successful teaching career of 27 years, earning a doctorate at U of Ill. Now his past catches up to him. On one hand he does what you hope someone would do in turning his life around. On the other hand the murders were brutal and the photos chilling and he hid that from the University. He is well liked and respected there, but now the truth has been discovered. 
This story presents us with a lot of things; a horrific crime, an untold story of an unfortunate family, mental illness all covered in a lie that shows a life that turned to good. For me I have questions about the diagnosis? Paranoid schizophrenia was over diagnosed back then dressed in Freudian theory.  His emotional state, family dynamics and drug use I believe play a stronger role in understanding his behavior. If he was schizophrenic you don't just walk away, it would have been seen. 
In the series Perception on the TNT network you have a popular professor of psychology who suffers from Schizophrenia who despite his brilliance regularly hallucinates. For him the hallucinations  follow the plot of the story. I actually wouldn't mind having some of his hallucinations. Or maybe it would be nice to have a pal like Harvey in a Jimmy Steward movie. In real life it doesn't work that way. 
Can we be mentally ill and have a life? What happens if people find out? Add to this can we do things that are horrific and face justice and find redemption, forgiveness and a chance for a fresh start? It is all the stuff movies and life are made of, but a hell of a lot harder in real life. 
Dr. St. James had 27 years. The hiding of his past is a big thing. It was illegal and as this story moves forward I fear there are dynamics that may unravel his world. He should be dismissed but he could if he has really become a different person, write his story of who he has really become. I am sure it would be a New York Times best seller. 
We are hard of the labels of mental illness. For whatever it is worth I choose to be up front about  my struggles with anxiety and depression. My story deals with post traumatic stress. I have worked in people business over 40 years. I am planning my own retirement in a few years. Having the Lord as the rock of my salvation I can not understate, we live a cynical times but I am glad, "He has told you O man what to do, and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8  Keep walking

Assisted Suicide, let's slow down a minute

Let's take time to enjoy the path for a while

Today I am writing about a not so nice topic, but laws are being passed and attitudes are being accepted which will directly effect our aging experience. We need to be careful that we are not being set up or becoming lulled to sleep about who calls the shots when we age and face the possibility of dying.
Different states have ruled for assisted suicide for those very old of sick. I believe it will become the law of the land within five years. Doctors assisting suicide will no longer be criminals. They will instead be there to offer another option. Proponents are already aware that how they pose the option directly effects the response. Would you like a more natural death or would you like CPR not to be performed. A nice warm and fuzzy approach is to be preferred.
Our children who have no idea of what it means to get older or value the experience of being aged will often be in charge of our time to terminate.
Death will be free of pain and we will be made comfortable. Self murder if you survive can get you hospitalized today, but soon you will be able to go to a clinic and be helped.
For sure at first it won't be that easy and it will be a lawyer's and doctor's nightmare. At least I hope so, because this option should never be easy.
Ending life should never be easy and it should not be with the promise of no pain. The Bible makes it clear "that it is appointed unto man once to die and after that judgment." Like birth, life, school, work, marriage, having kids, raising kids, aging, we get one go around. It goes pretty fast. We need to smell the roses. Death like everything else is unique to each one of us. For those who love us, death separates us in this life. Let's pause a minute.
People dying recover, hang on, get worse. What ever their experience it is their time. While we live in this life there is hope, but everyone will expire save a work of God. There comes a time when we won't recover and a time when all that is left is the last moments. I am all for hospice and pain management, but just lost of awareness so we have personal peace and comfort is not enough.
I am all for the argument of are we extending death or the chance of extending life. The debate will come to each one of us. Also will come is the time we die however unpleasant, letting go and making peace with ourselves, loved ones and God. These things have never been easy and I don't think they should be assisted by suicide.
The next move will be people making this decision for us. Hope of recovery won't become optional.
If we keep walking, they won't catch us for awhile.