Learning from tragety and a funeral

I was reading a counselor who was instructed what to say and what not to say at a funeral of a tragedy. I created a note highlighted below in blue as a response. I think it is easy to say the wrong thing at a funeral. We may know the survivor or maybe we know the deceased. We may or may not know both of them. 

With each of us, there is our first funeral. I know many people who never going to funerals. My first funeral was at age 16 when a childhood friend had died with two others in a car accident. More and more people are getting cremated. More and more people are not connected to a church. Many people do not even like to talk about death. Many children are not encouraged to go funerals. Family seeking to protect the children also keep children ignorant about death and loss. For many adolescents,  funerals are first attended at the death of the schoolmate killed in an accident or suicide. With little experience and knowledge, they have to encounter death so tragic we are all wresting for understanding.

Nobody is encouraged to read the Scriptures and learn from the Lord about these things and there we are grasping at the wind.

The counselor went on to encourage the reader not to say anything to offend, but in essence really not saying anything except I am here for you. Which in itself is a good thing to say at a funeral especially if it's true?

This is what the counselor said 

What NOT to say:

• “I know how you feel.”
• “I understand.”
• “I’ve been there.”
• “This reminds me of when I… (your personal experience of tragedy).”
• “I’m sure God has a reason for this.”
• “I know that (the person who is gone, hurt, etc.) is in a better place now.”

I suppose each line there can be anger - do you!

Here is my response in part not to be said at a funeral. Loss and death are big issues. I quote ancient wisdom that should force us to battle this in our brains. Each funeral should teach us something and give us wisdom regarding our own death. Only in God can our spirits rise to heaven upon death. We need God.

(I get it, to listen. But to not say anything may not be of the Spirit either. We are to grieve with those who grieve. We too may be experiencing the pain of the loss. There are words of comfort. We live in an age that encourages ignorance and non-offense. We refuse to learn at funerals. 

Consider Ecclesiastes 7:2-4

2 It is better to go to a funeral than a feast. For death is the destiny of every person, and the living should take this to heart. 3 Sorrow is better than laughter because sober reflection is good for the heart. 4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of merrymaking.

Also Ecclesiastes 8:17 “NET© then I discerned all that God has done: No one really comprehends what happens on earth. Despite all human efforts to discover it, no one can ever grasp it. Even if a wise person claimed that he understood, he would not really comprehend it.” 

We are to wrestle with these things not avoid them. The Bible reveals more and our loss should drive us to seek God’s wisdom.

Instead, we cremate and are quickly encouraged to move on. Many now avoid the experience altogether. Ignorant, not learning, we ignore our own death and refuse to come to the Lord. Reeves) Keep walking